Unparenting Course 2.0

Put a stop to the misbehaving, tantrums, tears and yelling, and start getting along with your children

Ever since we released the first Unparenting course in 2013 we’ve been gathering priceless experience with parents. We’ve been listening to you moms and dads and your children. And we can now offer you:

The best online course for happier children and parents

This is the final result of two and a half years of intensive work and thousands of hours of observation, exploration, consideration, writing and editing. You’ll find ideas here you may have never heard before. Powerful guided experiences will lovingly overhaul how you view your children’s world. The best that Unparenting has to offer parents.

Maybe you wish
you could have a home

Where your children hear what you say and respect you.
Where you don’t have to repeat everything constantly. Where you can talk to each other and work things out … and where everybody keeps their word.
Where your children aren’t always resisting you, talking back and fighting against you, but are actually trying to help.
Where you understand each other and manage to get through difficult situations together, like when your children are crying, grumpy or sad, or when you’re having a hard time yourself.
Where you don’t have to worry about your children making a scene in public. Where you can get your children out of the house, take them to the store, and go home from the playground without a struggle.
Where you aren’t exhausted and always about to boil over. Where your children don’t wind you up, and where you enjoy being with them again.
Where you don’t have to yell. Where you enjoy being together instead of getting on each other’s nerves.
Did you answer, “Yep, that’s exactly what I want,” but you also feel like it’s not going that well? Even though you’ve tried all kinds of parenting advice and methods?

The Unparenting course can help you get there

You’ll learn to understand your children and change how you communicate with them, and the problems you’ve been experiencing will occur less and less.

Solutions to your specific problems

Look at everything one course can help solve

Tap the card you’re interested in:

A drawing of a monster looking like a jagged potato with a crown around which are marks expressing that it is angry.
Over every little thing. And nothing you try works?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
Three zigzag lines from top to bottom.
Terrible twos
Tantrums at the drop of a hat and you don’t know what to do?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
Misbehaving, not listening
They just won’t listen, nothing seems to work, and you’re at your wits’ end?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
Sibling fights
They’re mean to each other and you always have to deal with their arguments?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
Drawing of a cloud from which rain is falling.
Cries often
And you can’t seem to calm her down?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
Drawing of a pram with a baby.
Baby trouble
You explain what you need, but the baby just cries and won’t do what you want?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
A drawing of a sad lady with her eyes closed.
Losing my temper
Do you fly off the handle, yell at the kids, and then feel bad about it?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
Struggling to set boundaries
Having trouble setting boundaries that work for your child? Feeling disrespected?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
Talking back. Rolling eyes. Everything’s boring. And you’re fed up?
Read more here Arrow pointing right

Or have you already tried Unparenting and find it a struggle?

Struggling to work things out?
Your children don’t do what you’ve agreed on, or don’t want to agree at all?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
They just won’t cooperate?
You keep trying and they give you nothing back? They’re out of control? No reasoning with them?
Read more here Arrow pointing right
Aggressive behavior?
Angry outbursts. Biting, hurting others. Hitting when they don’t like something?
Read more here Arrow pointing right

Would you like to get a handle on other things as well?

Selfish children

Doesn’t want to share. Not toys, not anything. Wants everything. Stomps feet, yells to get his way. I don’t know how to get him to stop or how to raise him not to be selfish.

The course

Will show you how to talk to your children so they’ll learn to meet you halfway and be considerate of others. How to respond to their anger and tears so the scenes will stop. And how to teach them to cooperate and not be selfish (or a pushover, of course).

Horizontal dashed line
Wild toddlers

Into everything, making messes, running around. And not listening. I’m always chasing after her. Getting out the door, getting dressed, leaving anywhere — nothing goes smoothly. I don’t know how to teach her to listen.

The course

Will teach you how to talk to your young children so they’ll stop sabotaging your every effort. How to explain what’s okay and what isn’t so they’ll really hear you and understand. And how to get to where they enjoy cooperating with you and don’t feel the need to act out. Not at home or in public.

Horizontal dashed line
New sibling, big feelings

My older one has been acting out ever since the new baby was born. Picking fights, misbehaving, throwing temper tantrums, hurting others, refusing to listen. Sometimes I don’t know what to do with him. And I’m worried about the baby, too.

The course

Will show you what goes on inside big sister or brother when a new baby is born and why they’re suddenly all over the place. And you’ll learn how to put a stop to it so your older one will stop acting up and instead build a relationship with the new baby. You won’t have to worry about one hurting the other.

Horizontal dashed line
Independence and responsibility

My child just isn’t independent. Doesn’t take care of his things. Takes ages to get anything done. Constantly forgets things. I always have to check on him and give him multiple reminders.

The course

Will teach you to say things in a way your child will pay attention to so you don’t have to keep repeating yourself. You’ll find out what real responsibility looks like and how you can gently encourage your child to take on responsibility for things that affect them and to not need you constantly looking over their shoulder.

Horizontal dashed line
Raising an only child

I don’t want my only child to grow up spoiled or selfish. I see some of that behavior already. I don’t want to be too harsh, but I want my child to know you can’t have everything. I don’t know if I’m doing it right.

The course

Will show you how to interact with your only child to help her be more considerate of others without damaging her self-esteem. You’ll help her be herself but not be self-centered. You’ll learn how to set healthy boundaries that support your child, not cut her off, even though you don’t allow her to do whatever she wants.

Horizontal dashed line
Tidying up after making messes

He doesn’t want to pick up his toys. His room looks like a tornado hit it. He throws things around and never picks up after himself. I keep explaining, but it doesn’t make a difference. How can I teach him to tidy up and take care of his things?

The course

Will show you why your well-intended efforts aren’t working on your children and what you can say so they’ll finally understand what is important for you and how you want things to be. You’ll learn to give them responsibility for their own things so they’ll feel engaged and motivated to take care of them.

Horizontal dashed line
Protests and refusal to cooperate

They refuse to sit on the potty. Refuse to brush their teeth. Refuse to go to bed. I don’t know how to make them listen. It’s a daily struggle. We’ve tried everything.

The course

Will help you see for yourself why children resist us, how they feel, and why they refuse to do what we want. You’ll learn a simple technique for how to talk to them so they’ll stop fighting and start helping out. Then you’ll be able to get through things together smoothly and peacefully, when previously they would have kicked and screamed.

Horizontal dashed line
Not getting along

Before becoming a parent, I’d thought we would enjoy being together. Have a great relationship. But the reality is different. My child misbehaves. Screams. Treats me badly. We don’t understand each other at all.

The course

Will help you understand your children’s behavior and stop the war between you. You’ll learn to communicate so your children will finally hear what you’re saying and your relationship will improve. You’ll find the close relationship you’ve been longing to have. And we’ll show you what to do so it will stay that way.

Horizontal dashed line

What’s new in version 2.0

New weeks
All new content. New topics. Audio experiences that dig deep.
New types of lessons
Carefully designed to help Unparenting become part of you.
Mobile app
Keep Unparenting close by. Available to listen to offline.

Come have a look

The best content,  curated from real life

No filler. Authentic and deep

The five weeks of the course will present you with five key principles to guide you from now on.

Each principle comes with a new communication technique to help you quickly put things into practice. New audio experiences offer the most powerful insights into a child’s world that Unparenting has ever created. Our new audios are packed with practical information, major aha! moments, and authentic stories from parents.

We spent thousands of hours preparing this course so that everything fits together perfectly and you get the best we have to offer, which we know can help you. Not to mention the countless hours we spent with children, “testing” our new tips. We know it works.

Here’s what you’ll find in the five-week course:

Week 1: Communication

You don’t need a parenting manual. You need to understand each other
  • We’ll look at why children talk back, refuse to cooperate, and don’t want to join in even when you’re trying so hard.
  • You’ll find out what to do when your children refuse to work with you, listen to you, or keep up their end of the bargain. And what to do when both sides are digging in their heels and are in no mood to look for other solutions. Ever been there? :)
  • We’ll teach you to talk with your children about your emotions, including unpleasant and painful ones, so they can learn by observation and not struggle with that.
  • We’ll show you how Unparenting communication looks with young children who aren’t talking much (or at all) yet. You’ll find out how they communicate with you and what you should pay attention to in order to understand each other.
  • We’ll explain how to communicate with a little one who can’t answer you in words or who just keeps crying. It’s not complicated. You just have to listen more and take it one step at a time. We’ll show you how.
  • We’ll guide you through completely new, eye-opening experiences that will stop you in your tracks the next time you find yourself about to say certain things. You’ll never want to say them again.
  • We’ll show you our new experiential technique called The Fast Track to Understanding, which will help you make faster progress with Unparenting. It will help where ordinary words and attempts to work things out fall short.

We’ve got a lot to look forward to! We designed Week 1: Communication to guide you by example. You’ll find specific examples, practical answers to your questions, and key information that will help you grasp the essence of Unparenting communication and successfully put it into practice in your home.

Communication is the foundation of every relationship. It determines whether you and your children understand each other or not. Whether you can work together on things that are important to you both. Whether you really know and respect each other or butt heads all day.

It’s not about knowing the right thing to say at the right time to convince a child to do what we want.

Far from it. We have to start listening, not just stubbornly insisting on our own point of view. We have to learn to see things from our child’s perspective instead of always criticizing (even if we aren’t saying it out loud). When we do, our child learns to do the same. And we reap the benefit of that as well.

Spend 10 extra minutes on communication today in return for years of understanding and intimacy you will otherwise miss out on.

Communication practice is worth our time and attention.

And sometimes that’s just the trouble. After reading our posts and watching our webinars, some parents latch on to a few key Unparenting phrases, like “What do you need?” and decide: “Oh, so that’s the trick!” They oversimplify Unparenting communication, boil it down to a few clever phrases, and then expect those phrases to work on their children like magic. In short, they try to turn Unparenting into an instruction manual for child maintenance.

And you know what always happens next? They eventually get disappointed. Maybe you’ve been there.

And yet the problem isn’t in Unparenting communication, because that works. Thousands of parents using it successfully with their children can tell you that.

It’s like trying to drive a car when you’ve only learned to turn the steering wheel. We can do better than that.

If you want to really communicate with your little one, to stop working against each other and start working with each other, you need to go deeper. Jump into Week 1 and start practicing your new communication every day, in every situation you and your children encounter. See how things go, learn from your mistakes, and keep going until it becomes second nature.

Don’t worry, it isn’t too hard. We set up Week 1 of the course so you can start using simple principles for open communication one step at a time so you learn to use them in tense situations as well.

Week 2: Trust

Building true intimacy
  • We’ll reveal the little things that are actually massive trust killers that will trip you up every day and undercut your relationship with your children.
  • You’ll learn how it hurts when parents lecture, unknowingly belittle, and act unfairly to their children instead of trusting them.
  • We’ll show you an effective technique for healing the hurt and resentment that may lie between you and your children. It’s so simple and natural that you’ll be able to start using it immediately and in many different situations throughout the day. With this new communication skill, even the difficult moments will bring you closer together, not drive you farther apart.
  • You’ll learn to respond to your children’s powerful emotions, like anger, defiance, irritation and despair. Instead of suppressing, ignoring and minimizing them (“Don’t cry! You’re fine!”), you’ll know how to support your children so the difficult moment will pass quickly.
  • Then we’ll finish the week off with a new technique to kick your Unparenting efforts up a notch. It will help you and your children draw closer together.

Maybe you still remember moments in your childhood when you felt like your parents just didn’t get it and were treating you unfairly. Maybe you retreated to your room because you knew there was no point explaining anything. Your children never have to experience that, and you never have to see them run away from you into their own world. Because you’ll have genuine trust between you. In our course, we will give you the key.

Trust is the spice every relationship needs. It gives you the fragrance of intimacy and flavor of understanding. And it can salvage what seemed almost hopeless between you and your children. This medicine soothes hot tempers, cuts down on lying and cheating, helps with getting homework done or teeth brushed, and softens children’s rudeness, stubbornness and defiance.

Trust isn’t just about not lying to each other. That’s not enough.

It’s the basic foundation of every truly close, honest relationship. In Week 2 of the course, we’ll teach you how to initiate, nurture and draw on real trust with your children every day.

Trust sets the tone for so many important things.

Like whether or not your daughter comes to you when some weirdo is harassing her online, or whether or not your son confides in you when he falls in love and the other person doesn’t return his feelings. But there’s more than that.

Tempers flaring? Sometimes that’s down to trust too.

Trust determines whether your children will reach for heavy-handed tactics, like foot stomping, manipulative tears and picking fights, or simply come to you and say, “Dad, I’m frustrated right now because I feel like you aren’t listening,” or, “Mommy mean; I scared.”

You’ll see that as soon as your children feel your trust, they will start giving it back to you. They’ll be open and honest with you and stop testing you, showing off, and retreating to their own world. Many of the problems you’re currently facing will start to fade away.

Trust can heal wounded feelings and build bridges.

You can’t force it, though, by saying, “We’re going to trust each other,” or, “If you have a problem, then tell me.” You have to give it plenty of time, attention and care.

If you stick with it, though, you won’t regret it.

A trusting relationship is one of the most priceless gifts you can give your child. It starts from infancy and helps children trust not only their parents but, more importantly, themselves. It promotes self-confidence and a healthy relationship with the world around them.

Give your children that gift. We will help you in this course. We’ll be going deep on the topic of trust to help cure problems that may seem unfixable at first.

In Week 2:

  • Children will stop using tears or anger to get your attention. Instead, they might whisper: “Daddy, need to play wiff me!”
  • They won’t pull faces and snap at you when you ask them to pick up their things. They might ask: “Does that make you mad, Mom? How do you need it to be?”
  • They’ll stop getting out of bed a hundred times a night, claiming to need the toilet or a drink of water or saying that their tummies hurt. They’ll go to sleep the way you came up with together. Or they’ll say what they really need in order to be able to fall asleep.
  • When they fall and skin a knee, they won’t cry their heart out for ages while checking to see if you’re paying attention. They’ll cry, say, “Mama, ow,” and then run off to play again.
  • Of course this doesn’t mean they’ll never cry or misbehave again, but when they do, it’ll be brief, cleansing tears and an authentic release of their feelings, not a strategy intended to manipulate you into something.

You might see these changes as well:

  • The next time you tell your squirming twins, “I need you to help me out right now, because this is important for me,” they’ll recognize that it really is important and will try to help.
  • The next time your little one is sick and you need to take her temperature and give her medicine, she won’t fight or spit the medicine out at you. She’ll cooperate with you as much as she can.
  • When you leave him with a babysitter, he won’t cry, thinking you might not come back. He’ll know that when Mommy or Daddy says, “I’ll be home after lunch,” they mean it.
  • Your preteens or teens won’t mutter to themselves, “Ugh, there’s Dad, on a rampage again,” and they might even come for a kiss or hug at 15. :)
  • And when you’re old and they’re grown up, they’ll keep coming to you with the ups and downs in their lives. They’ll be able to talk to you without fear about their failures and embarrassing mistakes. Maybe they’ll lean in unexpectedly on a visit one day and whisper, “Thanks for not judging me, Mom. It means a lot to me.”

Trust can do all that. This invisible, ever-present force in your home can help ease hundreds of different situations.

Week 3: Boundaries

Learn to be a kind authority figure your child will follow
  • You’ll learn to work with the Unparenting principle “Don’t sacrifice self-respect for musts,” which will help you define your internal boundaries.
  • We’ll show you a simple communication technique for talking about your boundaries with your children so they’ll really understand and respect them. This will bring more open, honest communication into your home, which your children will respond to with greater respect and willingness to meet you halfway. Even when it’s not exactly convenient for them. :)
  • You’ll learn how to set up rules with your children so they’ll have a sense of ownership in the rules and won’t spend their time breaking them, finding ways around them, or sneaking around behind your back.
  • We’ll run through practice scenarios where your child is protesting against your boundaries so you can learn to handle the pressure without losing your cool or giving in — in the store, for example, when your little one wants to buy something and you don’t.
  • We’ll teach you to work with boundaries from the time your children are babies so you won’t have to live in fear of the terrible twos. We’ll talk about what you can ask of your little one, like to wait a few minutes or help with a diaper change, and what is too much to expect developmentally.
  • You’ll know what to do when your baby hits you or pulls your hair.
  • You won’t need to fight to get your older children to pick up after themselves. They’ll stop rolling their eyes whenever you say something, and they’ll start understanding how you want things to be.
  • You’ll learn to apply the same principles about boundaries with other people in your life. It won’t throw you off guard if you overhear someone commenting, “Kids today have no discipline. They’re all going to grow up to be criminals.”
  • And you’ll feel a sense of relief. You’ll be able to recognize and put a stop to situations that make you uncomfortable. In the past you would have given in over and over, perhaps without even realizing it, until you reached a breaking point and ended up yelling.

You don’t actually have to dance to your children’s tune and bend over backward to work things out with them.

It’s not about repeating yourself constantly or letting them do whatever they want. It’s about understanding yourself and what is TRULY important for you — and what is not. And then communicating that to your children, kindly but firmly.

When you start using your internal boundaries, you’ll see things start to change in your family. Not just with your children but with adult family members as well.

Boundaries are one of the biggest topics in parenting. They help determine whether your little baby will grow up into a tyrant who always gets his own way, a doormat who never stands up for himself, or a perceptive person who considers other people’s feelings as well as his own.

Yelling and barking orders don’t help build healthy boundaries. They might stamp out your children’s desire to work with you, though.

Unfortunately, most parents try to set up boundaries by forbidding things or snapping, “No way! Knock it off! stop it!” and then they’re surprised when their 2- or 3-year-olds become defiant, talk back, act out — sometimes becoming unmanageable — and refuse to cooperate.

Yet it shouldn’t come as a surprise. This is a natural reaction to the strict Police-style boundaries most of us experienced as children and automatically enforce with our children as well.

And it needs to stop.

Then you can finally explore your true internal boundaries that are not based on fear or on “Do this! Don’t do that!” and that will help strengthen your self-assurance, self-confidence and natural parental authority.

Setting up boundaries doesn’t mean barking orders or the other extreme of letting everything slide.

Setting up boundaries means paying attention to who I am, what is important for me, what I need — and being able to communicate that in a way the people around me will respect. Many of us did not learn that from our own upbringing.

That’s why one of our five main topics in the course is internal boundaries. We put a huge amount of care and time into dealing with this topic in detail. We looked for ways to explain boundaries so you would both understand them and be able to put them into practice with your children. Even when you’re visiting the grandparents, out shopping or at the dentist.

What are some signs your boundaries are not working?

  • You’re always looking for ways to get your children to keep up with their responsibilities at school, at home or elsewhere, and they never seem to work.
  • You have to repeat things constantly and have endless discussions about brushing teeth, picking up toys or going to bed.
  • You’re concerned about how to explain to your children that they can’t do something, and you don’t know what to do when they don’t obey.
  • You try to set boundaries, but your children respond with tears and defiance, and you don’t know how to get them to accept the boundaries without a fuss.
  • Despite your best efforts, you still feel like your children are walking all over you and constantly pushing the limits to see how much you’ll tolerate.

Sound familiar?

We’ll spend time on each of these points during the week on boundaries. We took special care developing this topic, because we know parents often struggle with it. We developed a new way of finding your internal boundaries and setting them in place of the old, broken system of artificial boundaries, which just causes endless arguments and despair. You’ll find your children will listen to your internal boundaries. They’ll begin to see you as a genuine authority figure, and you won’t have to yell to get them to follow.

Week 4: Siblings

Help your children love each other
  • We’ll show you how to avoid creating sibling rivalry in the first place and how to heal the wounds inflicted between your children. Especially if you feel like they got off on the wrong foot and nothing can change their relationship now.
  • We’ll teach you to use the Rule of Minimal Support so you won’t have to stand over your children like a referee making the call on every interaction. Instead, they’ll settle the differences they can handle on their own, and you’ll recognize which disputes to let play out and which ones could use your assistance. This will help your children build strong sibling relationships and take on genuine responsibility for themselves.
  • We’ll offer you a simple technique, which you might find helpful not only with your children but also when others give you unsolicited parenting advice.
  • We’ll highlight things to avoid so that none of your children ever feel you love the other(s) more. You’ll find out the ways in which you might be adding to the sibling rivalry and resentment in your home without realizing it. And learn how to put a stop to it so your children will finally stop competing with each other.
  • You’ll find out how to avoid reaching the point where one of your children is the punching bag and the other the aggressor, always lashing out at their brother or sister and feeling terribly alone while doing it.
  • You’ll learn to divide responsibility between your children so you don’t have one feeling overburdened and another getting off scot-free. Together we’ll make sure none of your children grow up to be self-absorbed jerks who don’t care about anyone but themselves.
  • If your little one is still on the way, we’ll help you get big sister or brother ready for the new baby.
  • If the new baby has already arrived, you’ll learn about what’s going on inside your older ones if they’ve started acting out or regressing in some way. We’ll also show you how to give your older ones the opportunity to get involved in daily life with the baby while not putting too much responsibility for their younger sibling onto their shoulders.
  • At the end of sibling week, we’ll share a simple experiential technique that will help resolve conflicts between your children even when words fall short.

We can offer you and your children all of those things. Genuine, healthy sibling relationships along with principles you can apply even with an only child if you’re concerned about raising a selfish person.

After Week 4, you’ll know that you’re raising a responsible person with healthy self-esteem who knows how to face problems head-on. We’ll be happy to help make that happen.

Sibling relationships often drive parents to despair. We try so hard to encourage our children to love each other and not fight, but they’re constantly at each other’s throats. Sometimes it seems like they’re getting worse as they get older.

Of course parents find this distressing and exhausting. Of course they want their children to get along in peace and harmony. But … that isn’t going to happen. :)

Focusing on sibling relationships isn’t about getting the kids to stop provoking each other and to just be nice to each other.

By their very nature, these relationships are volatile, dynamic and powerful. Full of love and anger. They shape your children both now and in their future relationships.

And when parents take the right approach, sibling relationships can teach children an incredible amount:

  • How to get along with peers (siblings, classmates, colleagues)
  • How to handle rejection and frustration when things don’t go their way
  • How to stand up for themselves against an older sibling or an older child on the playground
  • How to stand their ground and how to back down with grace
  • How to be understanding of someone else’s needs
  • How to work together to get what they want
  • How to feel angry without getting aggressive
  • How to forgive
  • How to love someone one minute after you hated their guts

Sibling relationships are never going to be sunshine and smiling faces every minute of every day.

You can’t protect children from every spat, rude name and other altercation. And you’ll be doing them a disservice if you try.

What you can do, however, is help them reach a point where their disagreements become less frequent, less violent, and less filled with despair and hatred. You can help them learn to communicate with their brother or sister, respecting each other even when they don’t agree and want different things. You can show them how to tell the other what they need and what upsets them without having to hit, bite or pinch.

In time, your children’s conflicts can go from all-out wars to brief, cleansing showers in an ocean of lifelong friendship.

Give your children something else as well: genuine responsibility in life.

There’s another, and much more important, life lesson your children can learn from successful sibling relationships.

And that is genuine responsibility for oneself. Knowing what is my responsibility and my problem and, alternately, what is for someone else to deal with. Being able to name my own feelings and work with them instead of blaming others for them, like, “It’s their fault I’m sad, because they’re mean to me.” That’s big. It’s more than most of us adults today can do, in fact, and it holds us back in our relationships.

We cover all of these things for you and your children in Week 4 of the course. We offer information, experiences and techniques to guide you through it all.

Week 5: Parents

Your children learn how to live a good life from watching you
  • We’ll talk about how to keep a handle on your emotions, not take them out on your children.
  • We’ll give you a tool called “take the child out of it” for when things get rough. This technique can help when you lose your cool; your children will feel safe, and you won’t feel terrible for scarring them in some way.
  • We’ll talk about what to do if you have a short fuse in general and you can feel an explosion coming on that you can’t stop but also don’t want to let out at the kids.
  • We’ll look at how dangerous a self-sacrificing attitude can be and at what you are really teaching your children when you are bone-tired and still not able to rest — or when you do things through gritted teeth because you feel like you ought to do them.
  • You’ll learn that Unparenting isn’t only for Zen masters and super chill parents. And you’ll find out that you don’t have to bottle up your emotions to be a “good parent.” Far from it. We’ll show you how Unparenting works in a crisis, when there’s no rose garden in sight.

We’ll take care of you, Mom, Dad. So your children will be able to learn the life strategies from you that you would like to see them implementing in their own lives and relationships one day.

Of course this isn’t a change you make in a single afternoon. It’s going to take time. But if you stick with it, you’ll give your children gifts for life: healthy self-confidence and the courage to live their own lives, not someone else’s. We will be honored to start that journey with you.

Here’s a secret not many parents talk about:

You raise your children not through the words you say to them but by the life you live.

They’re learning from you all the time. They’re like little sponges, soaking up your approach to life, how you solve problems, how you treat yourself and others, and how you show both joy and anger.

When parents say,

“I can’t take a break, because I don’t have the time,”

“When you have kids, everything else goes by the wayside,”

“Children always come first,”

they’re forgetting about one critical point:

Their children are learning this lesson as well.

Parents forget that if they want to pass a healthy approach to life on to their children, Mom and Dad have to learn that their own needs matter too. 💚

It’s just like going on an airplane.

When cabin pressure drops and the oxygen masks appear, your instructions are clear: “Put your own mask on first before helping others.”

Why? If you do it the other way around and try to take care of your child first, you might pass out before helping either of you.

Save yourself first. So your child can grow up to be a happy adult.

The same basic rule applies in all of parenting, in fact, unless you want to burn out and to yell at your kids out of exhaustion every other day.

First you, then your child.

Learn something your own mother may not have known.

Does that sound harsh? Keep in mind this doesn’t mean leaving your children out to dry and not giving them the care they need. Far from it. It means doing several extremely important things:

  • Start taking care of yourself and your own well-being. Learn to say, “I need a break for a few minutes. If I don’t get any rest, I’ll be grumpy, and I don’t want that.”
  • Pay attention to your emotions and learn to manage them. Stop telling yourself it’s your child’s misbehavior that is irritating you, and instead ask yourself if you might be angry because you don’t understand your child or you feel helpless because she just won’t listen.
  • Stop neglecting yourself, acting self-sacrificing and running yourself ragged. Start doing something for yourself as well.
  • Learn to forgive yourself for parenting missteps, both large and small. Don’t beat yourself up over every tear your little one sheds or every bungled birthday party. Understand that mistakes are always an opportunity to grow and learn together.
  • And most of all, treat yourself like the most important person in your children’s lives. With understanding and respect.

The abilities that are already determining the kind of life your children will one day live …

… are not ones you’ll find in parenting books. And yet they are absolutely critical and play a major role in determining how successful your parenting will be — and the kind of life your children will live.

Now you might be thinking that this wouldn’t work for your family. You don’t have time for yourself with a young child, or with an older child, around — you’re all on your own. Don’t worry. That’s normal at first. We’ll show you how to manage it in Week 5.

It focuses on parents’ emotions, parents’ happiness, and all those old, ineffective patterns of self-sacrifice and self-accusation that cut the feet out from under you day after day with your children. If you want, we can work on getting rid of them.

The course will guide you step-by-step

We built this course as a cohesive whole that guides you step-by-step. We also added new types of videos and powerful experiences to help it all sink in and come together for you. Check out what you can expect in the course:

Strategies that are backfiring on you: Get rid of them

At the beginning of each week, you’ll find an illuminating audio called “Ineffective Parenting Strategies.” We will take a look at the most common parenting mistakes that might be ruining your relationship, communication, trust and boundaries with your children. And we’ll talk about how to get them out of your home for good.

Audio experiences: They do part of the work for you

If you enjoy the experiences in our webinars, you’re in for a treat — the ones in the course are even more intense. You’ll take a deep dive into a child’s heart and pain, and it will leave you forever changed as a parent. You will be different, more sensitive, more understanding. These experiences will sink in and bring you one step closer to Unparenting.

Principles that will teach you to understand your children

In each “Principles” audio, we’ll present one Unparenting principle that will stay with you for the rest of your life, along with a communication technique to go with it. We’ll guide you through the pitfalls of working things out together, building trust, setting internal boundaries, and navigating sibling relationships, responsibility, and your relationship to yourself as a person and as a parent. These audios include information we don’t share anywhere else, and they all fit perfectly together.

Train, train, train — so you can keep up with the marathon of life

After you’ve learned the principles and techniques each week, you will of course need to practice using them. Our “Practice” audios have stories from real parents and offer specific practice scenarios. They will give you the confidence you need to go “live” with your children. :)

Powerful experiences that will put you on the fast track to your child’s heart

Our new experience techniques do a lot of the work for you. They show you where you are still locked in Police, Teacher or Buddy modes. Where things are going wrong. They naturally change the atmosphere in your home and gently help your children start working with you even in situations where it wasn’t possible before.

Do you have a baby or toddler?

This course is suitable for parents with children of any age. You can also use the same principles with adults (your partner, mother, boss), because Unparenting is about communication, and that is universal.

Especially for parents of little ones, we’ve put together a new “Expansion” to help connect the dots. You’ll find it helpful with little ones who are not talking yet (or not talking much) or with 2- and 3-year-olds. Or, of course, if you’re planning to have another baby.

Start Unparenting from day one

We took notes on what parents of little ones tend to struggle with, where they feel out of their depth, and where they make unnecessary mistakes. We put the whole “Expansion” together as a “manual” for how to use the principles and techniques from the main course with babies and young children and for what to do in the specific situations you struggle with.

No more wondering what to do …

  • when they keep doing things you don’t like (pulling up plants, throwing food, making messes);
  • when they don’t want to let you change their diaper, put on their coat, cut their nails, wash their hair;
  • when they cry, stomp their feet, beg to be carried, refuse to sleep, won’t let you get anything done.

You’ll know what to do.

We’ve put in new information to help you understand the essence of Unparenting with young children

We’ve added tips on how to understand the ways your little one is communicating (by crying or protesting), how to listen, and how to find out what your little one needs. We’ve described potential pitfalls we’ve seen parents struggle with so that you’ll be able to avoid them and have an easier time with Unparenting.

We’ve added real-life examples to help get you going

All the lessons in our new “Expansion” are packed full of practical tips and examples to help you manage all sorts of situations with your little one.

We’ll guide you through it so you’ll understand your child’s world and needs better.

We’ll help you see how your little one is communicating with you and what they’re “saying”

Even if they can’t talk yet or are just speaking their first words.

You might get that first thrill of truly understanding your child. And you’ll learn how to respond to your little one’s communication so she’ll know you understand her and will start cooperating with what you need as well.

Put on your headphones and listen while you’re nursing or out on a walk

We know it isn’t easy for parents of young children to find free time. You don’t have to sit down and watch them on the computer. Put in your earbuds and listen while you cook, nurse, or take the baby out for a walk. :)

Everything in our app

Available for offline and on-the-go listening

Would you like to listen to Unparenting on the playground or on the way to work, but you don’t have data on your phone? Or you’re going somewhere that might not have a good signal? No problem. You can download all lessons to your phone with a single click and listen to them whenever you like, even without an internet connection.

The app will remember where you left off and open back up at the same spot.

You can take notes on every lesson.

If you like, it can also send you an automatic reminder when the next week of the course is available.

You have access to the course for a year, so you’ll have plenty of time to go through everything. Listen to particular lessons as often as you need to. You can come back to any audio or topic at any time.

It’s not like an in-person class, where the lesson ends and all you have are your notes. Listen to your favorite passages or important spots a hundred times if you like. You’ll have plenty of time to absorb, experience and try out everything.

* Cake not included :)

Hear from parents who have already done the course

I wish I hadn’t waited so long to do the course. It would have spared us a lot of misunderstandings.

I’ve got two little girls. The younger one is 8 months and the older one is almost 3. I’ve known about Unparenting since the older one was born. I had read a lot of parenting books and the one by Naomi Aldort (Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves) was like my parenting Bible. I kept coming back to it over and over. Because of that, I thought I would be able to raise my kids without big scenes, but unfortunately that never quite became a reality.

We did manage to implement a few things in our daily lives, like shopping and helping out in the kitchen. But we still have areas that need work, like bedtime and sharing with other kids. I wish I hadn’t waited so long to do the course. I think it would have spared us a lot of misunderstandings.

We live in Switzerland and my husband is Swiss. Our kids are growing up bilingual. I should mention that Switzerland is no better than the Czech Republic about raising children. It’s all Police and Teacher parents all the way down. Must be a European thing.

The need to find other moms who feel the same way drove me to invest in the course. I’m here and I’m learning. It’s amazing. Thank you, other moms, and thank you, Unparenting. When we manage to find a workaround or solution that actually works, I get tears in my eyes and think to myself, Yes, that’s it, just like that. I can feel how healing it is not just for my children, but for me as well.

I had no idea how important it is to talk openly about your needs and what miracles it can bring. Thank you so much. It’s incredibly rewarding.

• Emilie M.

When you stop struggling, everything gets better. It did for us.

I just want to say thank you all for what you’re doing, because all everybody talks about is how every mom is amazing, juggles everything, has well-behaved kids, and what you should and shouldn’t do. But that’s not reality. We’re all trying our best, nobody’s perfect, not us or our children, and everybody struggles with something.

The interesting thing is that when you stop struggling, everything gets better. It did for us. Yelling at kids about whatever they did or didn’t do is pointless. You can always work things out, because they really do understand more than you think. You just have to show them there’s another way.

Thank you to all of you and to my daughter, who now has a happier mom :)

• Lenka B.

We did the course and I’m incredibly grateful we did. Our kids keep asking, ‘What do you think? What do you suggest?’

Thanks for what you do! It helped a ton with improving my relationship with my 7-year-old. I was like a friend but also very strict, and it all turned against me. It got worse as he got older, and since my kids are incredibly important to me, I had to do something about it. I didn’t want to keep fighting with him all the time, and I was worried he would hate me in the future. He resisted anything and everything, screamed, covered his ears and so on.

I spent about six months poking around Unparenting, reading the free content, and thinking that I surely wasn’t a terrible mother and that I could manage without you. Sometimes things would start to go better, and then they would go back to how they were.

In the end I decided it was worth a try. So many times you invest in something and it ends up a waste of money. The price tag seemed pretty high at the time. My husband supported me, though, so we did the course and I’m incredibly grateful we did. It took a few months to get things to where we were all happy, but now I think it’s amazing.

We’ve been doing Unparenting for about a year and our relationship is much better. We love each other more. Not every day is full of smiles, but everything has a solution and we figure it out together.

I love how kids pick everything up. They keep asking, ‘What do you think? What do you suggest? What do you want, Mom?’ :) They even look forward to going to school. I call that a big WIN. Thank you for everything. I always recommend you to whoever I feel like it would help.

• Jana

We’re starting to see success even in areas I thought impossible

Unparenting is great. It’s opening my eyes and little miracles are happening around here. It’s truly heartwarming. We’re starting to see success even in areas I thought impossible.

I thought my hardheaded little one would never get on board with anything, but he finally understands why I want him to do it, he’s more empathetic now, he comes to me to work things out, and it feels like a miracle how little it takes to communicate and not just talk.

Amazing. I love Unparenting ❤️❤️❤️

• Emilie L.

No more temper tantrums

My older son is incredibly active, impatient and intelligent, so he can be quite a handful (takes after me I suppose…). Ever since we started Unparenting, things around here are like night and day. The temper tantrums he’d been having at least twice a day at that point? Gone. They disappeared just like that.

The boys play together beautifully. They stopped arguing and started working things out together, and they don’t need me to step in. We had 10 days off school and work and I was almost bored. After five years I managed to read not one, but two books, and we all had a great time. No tantrums, no arguments, good moods all around.

I’m very glad my husband and I are doing this course. It’s wonderful time spent together and it’s wonderful that we are both changing our approach, supporting each other and giving each other feedback on situations that go well and those that do not (although the second kind are less frequent now). I also feel like it’s the reason we saw changes so quickly and now our son is transitioning easily to the new rules for communication. And I think he’s happier now.

We have so many lovely moments each day. When we paid for the course, I was a bit worried it would be a waste of money. Now I know it was an excellent investment. Thank you.

• Zuzana K.

My daughter (20 months) cooperates beautifully

I have to say that I always thought my daughter was a total wild child. She was so opinionated even as a little baby, and for me as a less assertive sort of person that could get pretty tough. Then Unparenting came along. I guess my little girl should have taught me to say what I need.

Things have been going great since then. My daughter is incredibly helpful and puts so much energy into contributing to the family. Sometimes I can’t believe what a full-fledged member of the family she is at just 20 months old. I think she’s reflecting the way we help each other out. When we treat her as a partner, she wants to cooperate.

• Anezka

We’ve got a more relaxed home with less yelling and more listening to others

I find Unparenting fascinating for a lot of reasons: The fact that it really works. How quickly it started working. How Unparenting can influence people around you who don’t know or want to know anything about it. How well the course is made and how it keeps building on itself.

Thanks to Unparenting I feel happier, more balanced and more open, and we’ve got a more relaxed home with less yelling and more listening to others. I’d say the biggest success with regard to the kids is how our relationship changed when we stopped acting like Teacher and Police parents and more like partners.

I had a good relationship with my kids even before Unparenting, but now it’s gotten so much deeper, especially on their side. We’re genuinely close now, we get along great, and I feel like we’re on the same team. The kids show much more trust in me now.

• Katerina M.

Yelling and tension are at an all-time low around here

After three weeks with Unparenting I’m no less enthusiastic. More so, even. Yelling and tension are at an all-time low around here. Even though our children are quite young (2 ½ and 10 months), they are responding to the new approach amazingly well. My husband acts like he’s completely opposed to the whole idea, but I’ve noticed he’s starting to use it himself without realizing it.

We have much less trouble with coming home from being out, bedtime and sibling fights. Thank you once again to all of you at Unparenting. You’ve been a real blessing.

• Kate

I finally have a happy family where we all feel comfortable

I have two boys, 3 ¾ and 1. They’re my treasures and I would do anything for them, but before starting the course I felt like everything was piling up and overwhelming me.

My older son started acting jealous toward my younger one. He was always pushing him around, and I would get angry at him. Then he didn’t want to go to preschool or to see the grandparents. I had sensed for a long time that I wasn’t managing things well, and I often found myself taking it out on the kids a bit, who of course paid me back in tantrums that made people (mainly their grandmothers) criticize me and point out how spoiled they are and how they do whatever they want … of course with no helpful advice.

Then I found the course, and my husband and I loved it immediately. I felt like this was exactly what we had been needing. We’ve been doing the course for a month, and in all that time I haven’t had to yell or get particularly angry, and it’s working.

I’ve found this month incredibly relaxing and you can really see the change in the children. They’re happy, more affectionate, and even fighting less than before. Everything seems to be going fine. I’m so glad that I’m here and I finally have a happy family where we all feel comfortable and able to communicate. Thank you, Unparenting!!

• Sarka D.

I felt like I couldn’t handle my kids. Now I see that they’ve relaxed and I’ve become more balanced.

Before Unparenting, I felt like I had no idea what I was doing as a mother. When I had just one child, we didn’t have any major problems, but when our second son came along relatively soon after, things started to pile up. I felt like I couldn’t handle my kids, and there were so many things I didn’t know what to do about.

At the time I had a 2 ½ year old and a 10-month-old. Each one with totally different needs at different times. After my second was born, I started paying more attention to the older one so he wouldn’t feel rejected, but it didn’t have much of an effect.

Unparenting helped me examine my conscience and realize it’s all about my mindset. I calmed down and started communicating more and giving orders less. I realized that the way I grew up, even though my parents are great, they still had more of a Police and Teacher approach, and as a kid I was pretty timid and afraid to tell my parents when I had a problem.

This leads me to treat my children differently, so they won’t be afraid to tell me anything, so they won’t do things they don’t want, and so they aren’t afraid to show that something scares them. So far it’s going quite well, even though I often find myself sliding into Policing, especially when I’m under stress.

I’ve started seeing my children as these amazing people, not just little kids who don’t understand anything. Our success stories definitely include the way our older son (now 3 years 4 months) communicates. He uses phrases like “I would need…”, and he doesn’t throw himself on the ground in the toy store anymore. Instead of choosing a present for his birthday, he picks out what we should buy for his little brother, and then shows it to him proudly once we get home. :)

When I told him we should look at some more toys (hoping to figure out what he might want for Christmas), he answered, “That’s okay, Mommy, we don’t need to look anymore. We’ve already picked something out, so we can go home now.” A year ago he would have been on the ground kicking and screaming because he wanted everything, and now this.

I feel more balanced and stable. Sometimes I catch myself falling back into Teachering and it’s like I see another me standing nearby, looking at me and saying, “What are you going on about now? Are you listening to yourself?” Then I almost start laughing at myself, talking just like my parents used to and the kids not listening. I stop and suddenly whatever was bothering me doesn’t seem as deadly important (because it hardly ever is), so I just stay quiet.

I don’t get sidetracked by unnecessary, unimportant things, so I have more time for what is important. I also took the advice from Week 5 to take some time for myself, outside the house, without kids, for the first time in three years. I signed up for a two-hour sewing class every week. I always look forward to it, because that’s the only time I can focus on what we’re sewing and not what to make for dinner, what to do with the kids, and so on. “Mom” mode switches off and I can enjoy my time :) So thank you for coming into my life!

• Barbora

Our son was hitting us, but with Unparenting it stopped.

Thanks to Unparenting I don’t even remember the last time my son hit me. I’m more anchored in myself and I don’t get caught up in his emotional displays. I’ve learned that they’re his emotions and I’m here to support him if he needs it. Now when he needs to cry or let his anger out, it just takes a few seconds. He works through it and we move on.

I’ve learned to talk about my own emotions and realized how important that is for a child. I used to feel afraid of every thorny situation because I didn’t know how to react. Now I don’t worry about it, because I know we can handle whatever comes up.

• Monika

I hesitated for about six months …

We are in Week 3 of the course now. I hesitated for about six months before going for it, because finances were tight, but now I can say that it was the best investment I could have made: in my relationship with my children.

• Romana Z.

They’re not coming to me every few minutes saying “Mommy, he did this” and “Mommy, she did that”

I took the Unparenting course and I’m so happy about it. It changed a lot for us.

Our relationship with our 10-year-old improved, even though I had thought we were losing her and that she must be turning into a teenager early with her constant backtalk and refusal to help out. She responded really well once I changed my mindset, and I can see how grateful she is for it. Sometimes I get tears in my eyes when she says something like, “Remind me what things were like before we started working things out together?”

We’ve been working on it for almost nine months now. I still sometimes slide back into giving out orders and other ineffective strategies, and then I have to listen to the lessons again and get myself re-focused. We also have a 4-year-old boy who jumped on board with Unparenting much more quickly and easily than our daughter, who had already been through nine years of “Police” and “Teacher” parents.

The best part, though, is how the relationship between the two of them has improved. They really try to find solutions together and don’t often need me to intervene. They’re not coming to me every few minutes saying “Mommy, he did this” and “Mommy, she did that” and “Make him stop!”

Now we’re expecting our third and I’m not worried anymore that we won’t be able to handle it. I trust that this time around our children won’t feel ignored or neglected like our oldest must have after her baby brother was born - a 5-year-old princess kicked off her throne.

Thank you all! We’re singing your praises to everyone we meet. And I’m surprised at how many people I know have already heard of Unparenting or are even practicing it themselves.

• Jitka L.

Here’s everything that comes in the price of the course

If you start the course and stick with it, you will gain valuable insights you and your children can draw on for the rest of your lives. There’s no putting a price on it. At Unparenting we stand by that.

The whole course acts as a carefully designed whole whose parts cannot be separated. But if we had to put a price tag on the different parts of the course, it would look like this:

A year’s membership in the Unparenting course

We have finetuned the Unparenting philosophy and polished the course content, so they can benefit you as much as possible. We put thousands of hours of work, infinite love and double the content into the course. It was a long grind, but we knew we wanted to put together the best system we could that would serve you well and help you get where you want to go. We believe we succeeded in that.

Expansions for different ages. You’ll be able to work things out with a baby or a teenager

Unparenting is, first and foremost, an approach to a person: adults and children alike. That’s why we can tell you confidently that it will work with a baby, teenager, grandmother, spouse or boss. At the same time, of course, each age has its own particular set of issues, which is why we made an Expansion for Little Ones and Expansion for Older Children. They will help you find your way in any situation and with any age. From the cradle to the toddler years to the teen years.

The kindest parenting community on the internet

Every day new friendships form through Unparenting, people support each other through difficult moments, and we all help each other with our children and life in general. Together we're creating the largest, most respectful support group on the internet. We are honored to be part of that community.

Purchasing the course gives a gift of love twice over

Every time you replace a yell with understanding, criticism with acceptance, or anger with emotional intimacy, you might just be doing the most important thing in the world. You are giving your children love, respect and safety, helping them grow up to be self-confident, well-balanced and emotionally intelligent people.

Your children got lucky. They have you. Not all children are as fortunate, however, and some don’t have the opportunity to grow up in a loving family. They can’t run to Mommy or Daddy’s loving arms when they need to.

At Unparenting we feel it is our obligation to help children in similar circumstances, so that every child might have the opportunity to experience a close relationship, love and support from a parent. We believe this gives hope not only to those children, but to the whole world.

With your help, we can do even more. For every course sold we will send a donation to SOS Children’s Villages, an NGO operating for over 50 years that offers assistance to children without parental care or at risk of losing it.

Limited Early Bird Offer!

The latest version of the Unparenting course has twice the amount of unique content that the first course offered, as well as plenty of brand-new functions, options, priceless experience, information, and audio experiences. For a limited time, gain full access to a year's membership at an early bird price of

USD $397
USD $297
including taxes

Why are we doing the course

Parents share their reasons

I want my daughter to grow up to be a self-confident yet also sensitive person. I want to support the communication and strengthen the bond between us. We are also planning to have another baby, and if we do, I would like some inspiration about how to get a child ready for a new sibling.


I’ve been following Unparenting for a while now, usually just the things that really interest me. I have to say that several times it helped me realize what was going on with my little one and avoid a tearful scene. I found that often it comes down to little things. Today I was listening to another one of your webinars and thought it might help me work on myself so I can work better with my little one.


Defiant 3-year-old son. Aggressive toward us and his big sister. All of a sudden it’s like we don’t understand each other at all and all we do is fight. Things came to a peak while we were on vacation and we couldn’t function at all. I want to change that and understand my child.


I want to do better as a mom instead of telling myself every day how hard it is and how badly I’m messing up and then kicking myself for every little mistake … I want us to work well as a family. I want to be able to set boundaries with kindness … I don’t like yelling and then crying into my pillow that evening … I’m tired like never before, but I trust the course will give me some new insight to help me get to a place where I feel comfortable in the role of mother :) I’m looking forward to it!


I’ve done a number of webinars that spoke to me, and I believe the course will help me handle things better with my little one.


For my 4-year-old son - increasingly intense outbursts of anger, aggression, behavior that is dangerous for him and those around him. I want to improve our relationship and feel satisfied with the kind of mom I am.


Payment options for the course.

Choose whichever works best for you

Payment in five monthly installments
USD $62
Total price $310
One and
Best value
USD $297

For a limited time, gain full access to a year's membership at this early bird price and save $100!

Join the course Arrow pointing right

Still making up your mind?

Give the course a try risk-free!

After signing up for the course, you are 100% protected by a 14-day money-back guarantee.

If you are curious and would like to have a look at the course, see how it works, get exposed to some new ideas, and check out all the improvements we’ve made, here’s how:

Purchase the course, pay the first installment, and for 14 days you can try out everything the course offers.

Download the app and listen to all the audios from Week 1 and 2. Do our powerful audio experiences, see different scenarios through a child’s eyes, and practice what you’ve learned in the Practice audios. Learn two crucial Unparenting techniques that will help you improve your communication and increase trust between parent and child.

In short, you can take everything you can from Weeks 1 and 2. Then you can decide to continue once you can see it’s worth the price.

Either you’ll love the course or you’ll walk away with 40% of the content for free. That means all the knowledge, experience and realizations from the first two weeks of the course, which no one can take away from you.

If you decided during those first 14 days that you do not want to continue the course, that’s perfectly fine. Just email us and we will refund your money immediately.

We won’t be upset at all. We’ll be happy that you gave it a try. We want you to get the most you can out of Unparenting, so for the first two weeks we take all of the risk on ourselves.

You’ve literally got nothing to lose and everything to gain!

We can say that with confidence because we know you’re going to love it.

Right now, when your children are young and growing like weeds, don’t waste your valuable time on repeating the same old rookie mistakes. You don’t have to poke around in the same dead ends or search desperately for something that might work for your family.

We’ve done all the legwork for you and put the result into one package labelled Unparenting. Just get started, take what it can offer you, get excited over the progress you make, and start enjoying your time with your children more fully.

We’ll see you inside

Got a question for us? We’re here to help

Do I even need a parenting course?

Maybe you don’t. But then we have to wonder what you’re doing here. :) Maybe you’re here because something isn’t right between you and your children — something’s bothering you — and you’re looking for advice?

Because when we become parents, we start finding ourselves in new, unpredictable and challenging situations. We had some ideas about parenting before the baby was born, but now those might be out the window. We’re exhausted. Worn out. The parenting books and development charts say one thing, but the child in front of us does something completely different. Sound familiar?

Before long, the parents who wanted to raise their children in a way that makes sense to them hear themselves repeating the same things they heard from their own parents. They felt angry or hurt hearing those things as children, yet now they automatically reach for them — the same words in the same harsh tone that once made them flinch. And they don’t know how to stop. At that point reason and sensitivity take a hike, and parents just wish their child would act “normal” for once.

Have you ever experienced anything like this? Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you feel helpless?

How is that possible? Parents commonly say, “Only parents know best how to raise their children.” But the truth is, often we don’t.

Why reason and sensitivity aren’t always enough

For one thing, we all carry around the baggage from our own childhoods, inflicted on us in good faith through the way we were brought up. In difficult situations (like a baby crying all night), we automatically react from the position of a wounded child, not a mature parent. Those are the times you know what you ought to do, that you shouldn’t yell at a little child, yet you can’t stop yourself from lashing out, which you inevitably regret later.

Another reason is that we tend to repeat what we know. In retrospect, the way we were raised may not have been ideal, and we may want to do things differently, but in many cases we lack the skills. We want to do things differently, but we don’t know how, so we automatically reach for what we know from our parents or from people around us.

That may not always be a bad thing; this isn’t about criticizing our parents and the way they raised us and then doing the exact opposite. They did the best they could at the time, and they’re the reason you’re here. But if you don’t feel comfortable using the same methods and you keep experiencing the same problems with your children, that’s a signal that the parenting methods you are repeating may not be very effective.

If you feel sometimes that you’re lacking parenting skills, or if you can see that your methods are leading in a direction you don’t want to go and your children aren’t responding to you the way you want them to, then you might appreciate some outside input from a parenting course.

What a course can give you

In the Unparenting course, we don’t tell parents what to do. That wouldn’t cut it for the most important job in the world. We teach parents to find their own parenting skills. We help parents:

  • recognize the old parenting patterns they are automatically repeating and break the cycle;
  • see the world through their children’s eyes, understand what they’re thinking, and steer clear of ineffective parenting strategies;
  • and learn to communicate with their children so the children can understand them and start acting like team players.

It’s not just a parenting course. It’s much more

The Unparenting course goes beyond parenting and how to fix problems with your children (although that is, of course, a large part of it). It’s about what we want to pass on to our children. When they become parents, do we want them to feel helpless and need a parenting course like we do? Or do we want to not pass on the same ineffective strategies and instead raise them in a way that better prepares them for adult life than we were?

Many people say things like, “Trust your instincts; every parent knows best how to raise their own child,” and there is a lot of truth in that. We do have natural parenting instincts, only they’ve been buried and twisted by so many parenting patterns, mistakes and hang-ups passed from generation to generation that we find ourselves floundering to find our bearings in something as natural as understanding our own children.

The Unparenting course is a chance to stop floundering and to start becoming a parent who doesn’t need parenting classes anymore.

Horizontal dashed line
At what age is it best to start?

From birth. Or even before that :) Some parents sign up for the course before their baby is even born. That way they can get off on the right foot and establish good communication with the baby from day one. What a wonderful way to keep problems from developing in the first place. If the big day has already passed, that’s okay. You can start any time, and Unparenting works at any age.

Are you wondering how you’re supposed to work things out with a baby who can’t talk yet?

Communication is more than just talking in words. Humans (even baby ones) also communicate with tears and laughter, tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and in how they act and by what they do.

This nonverbal communication often communicates even more than words.

Think about it:

“Wow, great job!” said in a sincere tone and with a smile.

“Wow, great job!” said in a sarcastic tone and with an eye roll.

What conveys the real meaning? The words? Or the tone of voice and facial expression?

The problem isn’t that little ones can’t talk, but that parents aren’t accustomed to picking up on their nonverbal cues. They wait for little ones to use their words instead of listening to what the little ones are “communicating” right now.

This creates unnecessary misunderstandings that, by the time children are 2 or 3 years of age, often lead to frustration, lost tempers and unpleasant scenes that parents don’t quite know how to handle. It also leads to frustration on the part of the parents: I don’t know what she wants; I don’t know how to handle him; she never listens to me; I’m a bad parent; I’m incompetent; and so on.

And yet all you have to do is pay attention and respond to your child’s cues, and then it won’t be difficult to understand each other at all.

Myth: Babies don’t understand, because they can’t talk

In fact, not being able to talk has nothing to do with how much they understand. They are tuned in to you in a way that lets them understand you long before they say their first words.

They don’t need to understand your exact words to know what you’re trying to say. They listen to your voice and tone of voice, watch your facial expressions, sense your mood and your emotions. Just like you do with your partner or other loved ones.

You can tell when they’re upset or stressed out and not in the mood to talk to you even before they say anything. You can tell by their voice, the expression on their face, the way they act. They might even say, “I’m fine, dear, nothing’s wrong,” but you can tell something is off, because the words aren’t everything.

Young children are even more sensitive in this regard than adults, because before they can communicate in words, this is all they have. As soon as parents tune in and respond to them in turn, they start seeing that their little one understands much more than they’d thought.

Parents who start practicing Unparenting often say it’s surprising or even fascinating but almost always describe it as a good feeling when they and their children finally start understanding each other.

Myth: They’re too little to understand

They may be little, but they still have feelings. Our little ones notice how you treat them from a young age, and they learn from those things every day.

They imitate your approach, your tone, your reactions. Even now they’re learning from you the first sentences you’ll hear them say.

It’s actually pretty simple. If you listen to them, they learn to listen to you. If you don’t listen to them, they learn not to listen to you. If you fight with them, they learn to fight with you. If you lose your temper when something doesn’t go right between you, they learn to lose their tempers when something doesn’t go right for them. And if you say, “No, no, bad girl,” when she does something you don’t like, she learns to say, “No,” when you do something she doesn’t like.

That’s why the approach you take from the very beginning does matter. It’s already deciding how you will get along together in the future. Will your children scream and yell at you, or will they calmly ask for what they need? Will their first words be, “No! No! No! Uh-uh-uh, Mama!” or, “Mama, help”?

It’s not about the words. It’s about the approach

Unparenting is more than a few catchphrases from a book that your child wouldn't understand anyway. Unparenting is a whole new approach. It’s about seeing your children as team players ready to share their world with you, and you teaching them to find shared solutions that work for both of you.

Horizontal dashed line
Every child is different. Does Unparenting work with them all?

Does a spoon work for every child? Every child is different, after all. And yet millions of children eat with a spoon. Even though each one has a different personality, genes and temperament, a spoon works for each of them. That’s because the spoon is a simple, practical tool. Once you learn to use it, then it works for you.

It’s similar with Unparenting.

With Unparenting we give you tools, not a manual

Unparenting is not a how-to manual that tells you, “Do this, say that, and it will work.” It’s not lines to memorize or complicated theories to master. It’s taking a completely different approach to your children. It’s looking for ways to work with them, not things that work on them.

When we say “things that work on them,” we mean when parents want to get their child to do (or not do) something specific and they’re just looking for a button to push to make that happen. The trouble with this approach is that it fails to account for the fact that every child is different.

Imagine a child is yelling and acting out because he doesn’t want to go home from the playground, for instance, and the parent isn’t asking any questions but is just trying a variety of tricks to get him to leave. Parents might bluff: “Okay, I’m going home; you can stay here.” They might bribe: “Come on, I’ll buy you ice cream.” Or they might threaten: “Do you want to lose screen time?” In the end, they do manage to leave the playground, but neither one of them is happy. The parent is exhausted and annoyed at having to argue with a child, and the child is sullen and irritated at having to give in.

“Ways to work with them” means the opposite: Parents stop looking for tricks and instead start communicating. They aren’t trying to strong-arm the child into compliance, but they’re really interested in understanding and figuring out where the problem is. At the same time, they tell their child what they themselves want and need, without manipulative strategies, and ask what the child wants and needs. Then, together, they find a solution that works for them both.

The difference between a manual and a tool

Unparenting never tells you, “Give your little one a bottle when you’re ready to leave the park.” That solution came from one particular mother with one particular child; they came up with it together, and it suits them both. If you were to use the same solution, it might not work or suit you at all. Because you’d simply be copying someone else’s how-to manual.

It’s the same with other how-to advice: Give them a pacifier, don’t give them a pacifier, put them in a crib, don’t put them in a crib, tell a story before bed so they get sleepy, don’t talk to them before bed so they won’t get worked up, make them do their homework right after school so they’re organized, don’t make them do their homework right after school so they can rest, and on and on. These are all other people’s experiences, often diametrically opposed, and, sure, you can try some of these methods and they might or might not work for you. But they’re not about you, and they don’t account for the fact that every child (and every parent) is different.

That’s why Unparenting doesn’t offer manuals for particular situations. We give you the tools to find your OWN solution to YOUR situation. What does that mean exactly?

We’ll teach you …

How to communicate with your children so that you understand them and can work out what they really need. How to work things out together so your child will stop fighting and acting out and instead start taking steps toward what you really need.

Once you master that, Unparenting can work for you with any child (and adult) — because your solutions will come from you and your needs, not advice from other people who don’t know anything about you and your child.

That wouldn’t work for us. My child doesn’t respond to these kinds of questions

Unparenting isn’t just about specific questions to ask your child. That would bring us back around to manuals (“do this, say that, it’ll work”), which never work for everyone. Unparenting is about changing your overall approach to children: moving from Police / Teacher / Buddy parenting to Unparenting.

Like it or not, your child hears much more than just the words you say. She hears the tone you use in speaking to her. She hears the trust, or lack of trust, in your voice when you ask questions. She picks up on your unspoken signals — whether you’re looking for things that’ll work on her or ways to work with her. And whether you see her as a team player with the ability to cooperate and say what she needs or a little monster you have to tame.

Communication is more than just words.

In fact, communication is far more than words. It’s what you feel and experience when talking to your children. It’s what lies behind the words. Your child senses all that and responds to it. That’s why you can’t just repeat things you heard in an audio or read in an article, can’t ask a particular question and expect your kid to automatically toe the line. To understand your child and work things out together, you’ll have to change your approach entirely.

And that does not mean giving in to whatever they want.

Or discussing everything ad nauseam.

Or waiting for your baby to grow up and start talking.

It means not looking for instructions that will work on your child and instead learning to find ways to work with your child. Once you make this change, your child will soon start responding in kind. He’ll stop pretending not to hear you and start being willing to listen and work with you. And you’ll be able to relax in the knowledge that you don’t need an instruction manual, because you’ll be able to find a solution together.

Horizontal dashed line
What if the other parent isn’t on board? Will it still work?

Yes, it will. Unparenting works even when only one parent uses it. Children learn largely by imitation, which means they see what you do, how you treat them and how you handle things. When you take an Unparenting approach, your children will soon follow your lead. As you step away from the old strategies, so will they: They’ll stop yelling, stomping their feet to get their way, talking back, sulking and lying, and they’ll start talking to you about what is bothering them, what they need, and how you can find a solution together that works for you both.

They might continue interacting with their other parent in the old patterns, but that’s okay. They will learn that not everybody is the same; everybody has different reactions, opinions and even boundaries. This of course is an excellent life lesson, since they’ll be meeting all sorts of people and situations in life and won’t always be met with open communication.

The family environment gives children the perfect place to practice, surrounded by people they love (the other parent, Grandma, Grandpa) who may take a different approach to parenting. They’ll learn that sometimes working things out is impossible, communication is closed, and things just don’t turn out right. That’s part of life too.

But both parents have to be on board, don’t they?

The belief that both parents have to take the same approach often stems from fear that the child will get out of hand. Fear that the child will be confused when each parent acts differently.

And yet life doesn’t have the same rules everywhere either. Munching on popcorn is totally fine at the movies, but not at a play. That’s not confusion; that’s just things being different. Kids notice that. They start figuring out how things work in different places, and pretty soon they have it down. So when you go to the movies, the kids might want popcorn because you got it there last time, but if you take them to a play, it probably won’t even cross their minds.

It’s the same within the family. Kids learn very quickly that when Mommy does bedtime, they get a bedtime story, but with Daddy it’s roughhousing before bed — and they’re not confused at all. They’ll also understand if one parent does Unparenting with them and the other doesn’t.

And they’ll pick up on the difference in how you communicate with them as compared with their other parent. And they’ll notice once things start going better and you understand each other more and more. When your children realize that they can talk to you and work things out instead of playing games, screaming and making excuses, they often begin using the same techniques with their grandparents or other parent, and that relationship improves as well. Eventually they may start with Unparenting as well.

I’m afraid my partner/mom/dad will never go for this

You might find it hard to imagine that one day your child’s other parent or grandparents could get on board with Unparenting, especially if you don’t get along very well as it is and every attempt at communication ends in an argument.

That’s okay too. Start using Unparenting communication where you can and where it makes the most sense — with your children. Focus on getting it to work for you in that relationship, and don’t try to change the people around you. Imitation works wonders. Often a partner who was originally against the idea of Unparenting will naturally pick up on your approach and imitate it when they see how your children are changing and how well it works for you.

What about shared custody?

It’s particularly important in shared custody situations for parent and child to have a close, trusting relationship and for the child to be able to express all their uncertainties, fears and frustrations. It’s no easy thing to change environments and people every week.

And that safe relationship filled with open communication and trust — that’s exactly what you get with Unparenting. So even though it may be a bit more challenging to get Unparenting going when you share custody (for example, if the parents don’t talk much and the other parent doesn’t understand the Unparenting style), in the end, your child especially will benefit from it massively.

Children get a safe, open parent they can always confide in and work with to find solutions to whatever is bothering them, and at the same time they come to terms with the whole situation much better.

I want to do the course, but my significant other doesn’t agree

If you like the idea of the Unparenting course and would like to try it but your child’s other parent doesn’t agree and you don’t know how to move forward, you can download a .pdf file called “Unparenting in a Nutshell” to help you out.

Horizontal dashed line
Does Unparenting work with neurodivergent or medically complex children?

We have parents in the Unparenting course whose children have diagnoses like ADHD, autism and Down syndrome. They agree that an Unparenting approach has helped them. All children have one thing in common: They want to understand and be understood by their parents.

Horizontal dashed line
How does the annual membership in the course work?

The annual membership means you have access to the course and all its content for one year and you can go at your own pace. You can take as long between lessons as you need and return to them as necessary. You will have plenty of time to listen and go over things.

If you like, you can go through the whole course several times over. You could go through it first on your own and then again with your partner (or co-parent), who can share your access free of charge. The same goes for your children’s grandparents. You can use the Restart function to reset all lessons and go through the course like it was new.

We’ll let you know when your annual membership is close to ending. If you find that you need more time, you can extend your access with a subscription. You can subscribe for a month, two months, or as long as you like.

How does it work on a practical level?

The whole course is online and accessible through a mobile app. All you need is an internet connection and a mobile device.

Download the app here

Android: Google Play

iOS: App store

When your annual membership starts, you will receive your login details, sign in to the app and access the course interface. Then you can go through the course at your own pace. You’ve got a whole year. The app is intuitive and easy to use, so it will guide you.

Horizontal dashed line
How much time do I need for the course?

The whole thing is online, so you can set the tempo yourself. You decide how much time to spend on it each day or week. There’s no rush.

On the other hand, we do recommend setting aside regular time for the course and not putting it off for too long. You’re doing this because something isn’t right in your relationship with your children or because you’d like to change a few things in your home. So there’s no point putting it off and letting problems pile up.

The course comes with a mobile app that will make it easier to listen regularly. Just download the course to your phone, and then you can listen anywhere — like while you’re cooking or driving.

Horizontal dashed line
How long do I have access to the course?

The course is divided into five weeks, each on a different topic, but you will have access to it for a year (you pay for an annual membership). We want to give parents plenty of time to make it through the whole thing at their own pace, without feeling rushed, and more than once if they’d like. As they learn to put Unparenting principles into practice, parents can go back and listen to particular lessons as many times as they need to until everything becomes second nature. It’s not like an in-person class, where the lesson ends, the instructor says goodbye, and all you have to rely on are your notes. We know learning takes time.

But we also know that many people pay for courses and books that they never get around to taking or reading. They keep putting them off until the kids are older, the problems get worse, or they finally have more time. We want to encourage you not to put things off.

Because when you have kids, there’s always another challenge or new development around the corner, so if you don’t have an hour a week to do the course now, you probably won’t have it 10 years from now either. You’re getting the course right now for a reason that is important to you. That’s why now is the right time to start and make the most of it. Don’t wait for the kids to get older or the problems to get worse.

Access for a year lets you set your own pace, go back over things and soak everything in. At the same time, it also encourages you not to “forget” about the course and put it off forever.

And after the year is up?

If you find that you need more time, you can extend your access with a subscription. You can subscribe for a month or longer, as you like.

We will give you a heads up when your year is almost over and remind you that you can extend if you wish. Don’t worry about keeping track if you’re just starting out. Go ahead and dive into the course. A year is long enough to learn and apply everything the course offers.

Even if you do not choose to extend your subscription immediately, you can still come back to it and subscribe again in the future. That means if you decide at some point that you would like to go over it again, you won’t need to pay for the whole thing again. You simply reactivate your subscription for as long as you need and review to your heart’s content!

Horizontal dashed line
Can I share the course with someone else?

You can share the course with your partner (or co-parent) and your children’s grandparents. We want you to be able to support each other and have the opportunity to learn Unparenting straight from the source — parents and grandparents alike. :) Only, of course, if that’s what the other adults in your child’s life also want.

More about access for your child’s other parent and grandparents:

Other users in the family will get their own login details. They’ll be able to listen to the audio in the course app.

You may not share the course with anyone else

Your purchase of the course secures access for the parents and grandparents of one child (or children). Sharing the course with anyone else (your friend, sister, etc.) is against our terms and conditions. Thank you for respecting these rules.

We’ve been around since 2013. We make free content, webinars, and articles so that Unparenting can help as many parents as possible. We also provide customer care within the course. This whole time we’ve been supporting ourselves — no grants or subsidies of any kind. The proceeds from the course allow us to do our work and cover the payroll for our 30 hardworking colleagues, rent for our offices, equipment for recording, etc.

We try to be responsible for ourselves and spread Unparenting principles so that other parents can find what they come to us for as well. If everyone who pays for the course shares it with others, we won’t be able to keep doing that.

We pour everything we know — our whole hearts — into the course

We believe that if parents put everything into it as well, their investment into the relationship with their children will pay off many times over. If you want someone else to have the Unparenting course, like a friend or relative, we recommend you tell them about it. Share what you have gotten out of the course and how it has helped and inspired you, but please do not share the course itself and deprive them of the opportunity to make their own commitment and dive into Unparenting for real.

Horizontal dashed line
How does the 14-day money-back guarantee work?

We want you to have the chance to try out the course and see if it is a good fit for you, so we provide a two-week trial period.

Once you sign up and we receive your payment (either in full or the first installment), we will send you your login information. Your two-week trial period begins then. You will be able to go through all the content from the first two weeks and get a good feel for whether Unparenting suits you.

If you find the course is not for you, just write to [email protected] and say you would like to withdraw from the course, and we will send you a refund. No questions asked, no guilt trips.

Horizontal dashed line