Do you have a teenager? Do they talk back, refuse to do what you ask, and roll their eyes whenever you talk?
Do you feel like they totally ignore you and don’t care about anything? Do you worry that you don’t get along anymore? Do you not know how to get them to be more cooperative and take an interest in anything other than their phone?
You may have tried these things:
Talking with them about it. Setting rules. Standing over them and checking on them. Forbidding them to do things. Punishing them by not buying something they want. Asking them to treat you politely. Telling them in no uncertain terms that while they’re under your roof, they’ll follow your rules. But nothing seems to work?
How the Unparenting course can help:
In Week 1, you’ll see how behaviors like rudeness, defiance, back talk and grumpiness aren’t just unavoidable side effects of puberty. They’re actually the results of well-intended parenting strategies.
But don’t worry, that doesn’t mean you just have to hunker down and wait until the teen years pass. Far from it. Changing your parenting style can actually be quite straightforward, and as a result, your teen will start taking you seriously and meeting you halfway.
At the beginning of the course, we will go over three parenting strategies you should eliminate to have a more cooperative teen. You’ll learn a simple technique for communicating with your teen in a way that will get them to stop snapping and rolling their eyes at you and instead take an interest in what you say.
In Week 2, we’ll talk about how to put trust and closeness back into your relationship. You’ll be able to rely on them to do what they promise and not roll their eyes when you ask them to do something. They won’t hide things from you when they mess up or confide in their friends instead of you. You’ll be the first they come to when they’re in trouble — something at school, first love, or strangers harassing them on Instagram.
You’ll also learn how to handle their emotions — angry outbursts, insults, explosions, and bursting into tears or yelling for no apparent reason. You’ll find out how to defuse the situation so it doesn’t end up with your teen yelling at or being rude to you and your having to restrain yourself from wringing their neck.
As a result, even the difficult moments will bring you closer together, not drive you further apart. Your teen will be able to tell you what they’re going through and what they’re feeling instead of acting annoyed and shutting themselves away in their room.
If you feel like it’s already too late for that, don’t worry. It isn’t. Unparenting will help you clear the air of old grievances, put a stop to constant arguments, and start doing things differently. No matter how bad things might seem between you right now.
In Week 3, you’ll find out how to set boundaries that even teens will respect. Because shaking your finger or putting them in timeout is not going to cut it anymore. Especially not if you want your kids to see you as a genuine authority. We’ll show you how to have boundaries that work and that don’t undermine your authority.
You’ll not only gain respect, you’ll help your kids learn how to set their own healthy boundaries. They’ll know what they do and don’t want in life, and they’ll be able to make responsible decisions. Like when it’s time to pick a college or if someone at a party offers them drugs.
If you’re still in the early stages:
If you haven’t hit the teen years yet, but your kid already breaks out the attitude from time to time, you can still change course and avoid the worst puberty has to offer. If you start Unparenting now, instead of having a stereotypical sullen teenager, you can enjoy a teen growing up in a healthy way and have normal conversations with them at any age.
How parents are doing after finishing the course:
I took the Unparenting course, and I’m so happy about it. It changed a lot for us. Our relationship with our 10-year-old improved, even though I had thought we were losing her and that she must be turning into a teenager early with her constant back talk and refusal to help out.
She responded really well once I changed my mindset, and I can see how grateful she is for it. Sometimes I get tears in my eyes when she says something like, “Remind me what things were like before we started working things out together?”
We’ve been working on it for almost nine months now. I still sometimes slide back into giving out orders and other ineffective strategies, and then I have to listen to the lessons again and get myself refocused. We also have a 4-year-old boy, who jumped on board with Unparenting much more quickly and easily than our daughter, who had already been through nine years of “Police” and “Teacher” parents.
The best part, though, is how the relationship between the two of them has improved. They really try to find solutions together and don’t often need me to intervene. They’re not coming to me every few minutes, saying, “Mommy, he did this,” and, “Mommy, she did that,” and, “Make him stop!”
Now we’re expecting our third, and I’m not worried anymore that we won’t be able to handle it. I trust that this time around, our children won’t feel ignored or neglected like our oldest must have after her baby brother was born — a 5-year-old princess kicked off her throne.
Thank you all! We’re singing your praises to everyone we meet.
You’ve made me see my parenting in a whole new light. I used to struggle with them, and now we have a totally different, amazing relationship. It’s brought me peace of mind, and I hope it’s brought them the sense that I’ll always be here for them. And I hope I’m a somewhat more well-adjusted mom now.
Thank you. (Mom of two teenagers who still like hugs )
My husband and I took our daughter out for dinner tonight for her 14th birthday. It was great. We talked about locs, tattoos, travel, sports, alcohol, piercings, … . It was an evening full of laughter, genuine interest in each other’s lives, and plans for what to do in the next few days.
Thank you, Unparenting, for this new lifestyle, where we don’t have to worry about what’s going to become of her. No more yelling, lecturing, grounding and punishing. Thank you for the freedom to live in love that brings us together and lets even broken hearts bloom again. Thank you for helping us find an atmosphere of acceptance so the wounds of the past can heal in peace.
How has Unparenting helped change our family life? From the ground up. I love my child, but now I can say that I act like it too. Even my husband has learned something from all of this, which is excellent.
I feel peace of mind, because I know how to make sure we are all happy. I don’t yell like a “Police” parent. I don’t repeat myself over and over, because I know it doesn’t help. I’ve handed over responsibility that doesn’t belong to me. I’m more cheerful, and I have more time. Of course there’s still room for improvement (on my part). For a long time, this was not true, but I know my 13-year-old is a great kid, and I trust him.
Whenever we used to argue, he would always stop communicating. He’d just get mad. I felt awful about it, because I knew how wrong that was. Now he’s happier, and he talks to me (which he didn’t used to do). We even played a computer game together. Such a wonderful time spent together.
I know everything’s going to be okay now. I’m not going to hurt anyone. I’ve learned an excellent approach to parenting. Amazing. I had a good cry over it too. Such a relief. Thank you all so much. Best class I’ve ever taken.
Today my 12-year-old son brought me a detailed floor plan for his future house. It had everything a family with kids needs. As we talked about it, he said how he’d like to have a family and live with them.
That made me happy, because just a year ago (right before I started Unparenting), he’d said multiple times that he wanted to live on his own when he grew up. He wanted to move far away from us and buy a small apartment, where he would live all alone. He would do whatever he wanted, not care about anybody, and not have anybody to annoy him.
And today (just a year later), he feels so comfortable in his own family that he spends his free time thinking about starting his own family and where they will live one day. :) I feel truly happy. Thank you, Unparenting. That just confirms my feeling that you just need to work on yourself, and your kid will come along for the ride.