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Terrible twos

My little one has tantrums at the drop of a hat...

and I don’t know what to do.

If you’ve got a little one going through the terrible twos, you’ve probably read a hundred versions of this:

The terrible twos is a developmental phase children go through. It starts around age 2 and, to be honest, doesn’t really end until 4 or 5. This is the time when children are building their own sense of self and is often accompanied by defiance due to the child’s immature nervous system and difficulty tolerating tension.

So you gather your patience and try to survive. But when your child breaks down every time they don’t like something, and sometimes you don’t even know exactly why they suddenly fling themselves on the floor and refuse to be comforted, it can get pretty old. Sound familiar?

Maybe you’ve tried different things:

Ignoring them when they get worked up. Taking them to a different room so they can let it all out. Holding them tight and waiting for the tantrum to pass. Distracting them with something else so they forget about the tantrum.

But none of that has worked, or at least not consistently?

How the Unparenting course can help:

Week 1

The course will show you how this time in a child’s life doesn’t automatically have to involve frequent meltdowns and defiance. Your child is going through a major developmental phase, yes, but it doesn’t have to mean daily battles over every little thing. It’s not just your little one’s new personality, either.

You’ll experience for yourself how anger and defiance often arise in response to the way we communicated with our little ones during their first two years of life. But don’t worry, that doesn’t mean you were doing everything wrong and now it’s too late.

Changing your communication style can actually be quite straightforward. We’ll talk about that in Week 1.

You’ll hear about the three communication strategies children most often respond to with anger and defiance. And you’ll learn a simple communication technique to use instead, which will let you avoid much of the drama without having to give in or back down all the time.

This will allow your toddler to develop and assert their identity even without the unpleasant side effects.

Week 2

Week 2 is all about trust. You’ll learn to understand the real reasons behind anger and defiance. You’ll feel it for yourself with our audio experiences, which are a special feature in the Unparenting course. You’ll start to pick up on what is really going on with your little one and why.

We’ll talk about how to handle defiance if it’s already in full swing and you’re finding your child difficult to manage. You’ll learn how to respond to defuse the situation. With this new communication skill, even the difficult moments will bring you closer together, not drive you further apart.

Week 3

Week 3 is about boundaries, so we’ll go over what to do if things go wrong when you’re away from home (on a walk down the street, at the playground, or at the doctor’s office) — not to mention how to handle people’s staring. You’ll find out how to keep your cool no matter what comes your way when you’re out and about.

For parents of babies, why you should start now:

If you’ve got a baby or young toddler who hasn’t reached the dreaded terrible twos yet, you can actually avoid the upcoming daily meltdowns and hissy fits. If you set up good communication habits with your little one early enough, things may never get to that point.

You’ll find Unparenting helpful as well when puberty hits full blast, because teenagers basically act out for the same reasons toddlers do. It’s only the methods that are different. Toddlers kick and scream, teenagers slam the door in your face, but they both feel the same inside. Once you learn to understand your children, you won’t have difficulty getting along even as they grow older.

What parents who’ve been through the course have to say about the terrible twos:

Today my mom told me, “You and your Unparenting have really opened my eyes to how the way we raised you made no sense at all.” When I told her about Unparenting nine months ago, she thought it sounded ridiculous, yet today she uses it herself with my daughter. Sometimes she even reminds me, “Did you try Unparenting?” My dad was a total ‘Police’ dad, and he said recently, “I didn’t trust it (Unparenting) at first, but now I really like the way Katka is raising her.” Apparently he likes that my daughter has her own mind but basically listens to what we say.❤️ And she’s 2 ½ and ought to be going through the terrible twos right now.😊 It’s worth it.🙏

Standing ovation once again! 👏 I’ve had some time to process the first heavy emotions from Tuesday. I think this was the hardest it’s been since we started trying to use Unparenting. … In the last few weeks, my newly 2-year-old son turned into a raging zombie who was constantly working my last nerve. The instant something didn’t go his way, he would throw himself on the ground, hurl whatever he was holding, or try to hit one of us. Rabid doesn’t even begin to describe it. Unparenting had always worked great for us, but suddenly we hit a roadblock and nothing was working. I was constantly on edge, and after my darling child exploded for the hundredth time, I was ninety-nine percent ready to hit the roof as well.

Thank you! Your webinar came at the best possible time!!! I’ve realized I had totally forgotten about the most basic principle: CONNECTING. After two years of smooth sailing with Unparenting, I’d suddenly found myself floundering, and I’m so glad you’ve helped me get back on track. Mistakes help you learn, after all, and I’ll remember my mistake (carrying him to the other room in anger and leaving him there to finish his fit) for the rest of my life. That will definitely move me forward in Unparenting.

Wednesday morning I got up with a clear head and peace of mind that can’t be described in words. Sure, he still broke down sometimes, but the meltdowns were over in seconds. I did the most basic thing that I’d been forgetting about lately: I sat down next to him and opened up my arms. He came over, snuggled up to me, and all the anger and misbehavior was gone. We described the situation together, talked about what had happened, cuddled for a minute, and moved on with a smile. And that heartwarming feeling when he suddenly turned around to give me a kiss — everybody should experience that! 💕 THANK YOU!

Mostly I want to say thank you for what you do. I’m still reeling from all the emotions and new experiences. I’m only sorry I didn’t know earlier how to act toward my heart, my son. I’m the mother rushing my son from place to place, interrupting him while he plays, without knowing or understanding or even wanting to know or understand. At least, I was. After four tantrums that my husband, mother and I handled extremely poorly, and my bursting out crying twice, I said things couldn’t go on like this, that this wasn’t what I wanted, that we were hurting him.

I read that we should just listen and communicate. We finally (at almost 2 ½!) started talking to him like an actual human being with free will, and wonder of wonders, we now get along great and the tantrums are gone. Yes, he’s gotten worked up a few times since then, but not at us — at someone or something else that made him feel wronged — and we’ve handled it together each time. We just get each other now. I cried over today’s webinar, because I realized how I had been hurting him and how the poor thing must have felt. That had never occurred to me. I’d just kept rushing around and pulling him along behind me, without his consent. But not today. Never again. Now we laugh together and hug each other. The world is back on course, and his eyes are sparkling with love for me. Thank you!

Hi everybody, I’m finishing up the first week, and I’d like to share my initial success stories. My son is 16 months old. We’re dealing with frequent angry outbursts, hitting things (including me) when he doesn’t get his way, etc. I know something has to change. Anything. Any time voices are raised, he bursts out crying and falls face-first on the ground, miserable. As a mother, I find that heartbreaking. I don’t want to give up and accept what everybody says, that it’s the terrible twos, and he needs strict boundaries, and it will pass. I haven’t had any idea how to work things out with such a young child (I’m still figuring that out, actually).

But we’re seeing the first promising signs. Like when I’m cooking. He’s been constantly underfoot, and I’ve been worried he’ll get hurt, spill hot water or oil on himself, burn himself, etc. On Wednesday I told him, “I need to cook right now so we can eat and not be hungry. What would you like to do instead of walking around right here where I am?” Even though I felt silly saying it, he took me by the hand, pointed to a small pot, got a wooden spoon, sat down on the kitchen floor, and started cooking too.

And I realized that it really could work if I treat him like an equal. It’s strange, but since then I’ve had no trouble cooking and he always entertains himself, so I don’t have to raise my voice out of fear that he’ll get hurt. Now our kitchen is full of laughter instead of tears!

Hi, I’d like to say thank you so much for the audios and the work you do. I started listening to your audios on YouTube about two months ago. It took me most of the summer to accept the most basic idea behind Unparenting: that my child isn’t spoiled or out of control at all, but in fact knows very well what he needs (and asks for it too). It’s been a slow process, but my relationship with my 2-year-old son has gradually begun to change.

Two months ago he was smack in the middle of the terrible twos. He was throwing himself on the ground whenever and wherever (most often at home!), screaming for what seemed like no reason at all, and acting inconsolable. Nothing worked. I was at my wits’ end. The neighbors were eyeing him like he was a spoiled brat, … and I was crying almost every night. Then I started explaining to him more about what was going on and why, and about how I was feeling. Plus I started paying more attention to HIM.

I had to write to you today, because for the first time in ages, I really enjoyed the weekend with him. That was something I couldn’t have imagined before (I got rid of all my maternity clothes and swore never to have another child). :) Thank you so much, and I wish everybody lots of success and happy families.

Before the Unparenting course, we were having trouble mainly with our 3-year-old daughter. We weren’t feeling good about things. She was incredibly oppositional about everything — even though I had read all the parenting books, I didn’t know how to put them into practice, so when things got tense, it was all Teachering and Policing.

Now that I’ve been through the course, my kids are almost never oppositional. And when they are, it’s because I failed to work things out with them or acknowledge their needs and emotions. Or because I wasn’t acting right, usually due to being tired.

We work things out. Besides my 3-year-old daughter, I also have 5-month-old twins and a 7-year-old son (currently struggling with doing things for himself, like getting dressed). I’m sure that once the twins get older, things will go even better. Most of all, I’m proud of my kids! They work things out together, they play so well together, they show empathy to themselves and others. They can work things out with us and among themselves. I feel so much better than before; sometimes it’s amazing :)

What now?

Look at other topics you’re interested in and keep on exploring the course.